DANGERLION

Her name was Nicole but she was going by Inara and she was Canadian and yes she called herself Inara like Inara in Firefly and she was cute and feisty.

Last night we got a cabana at Pure with the producers and crew and were having a jolly old time partying.  Inara happened to be one of the girls who we talked to and I spent an hour or so talking with her about handshakes and Joss Whedon (regular readers of this blog know that this was clearly destiny) when I needed to break the seal.  Gone for all of 5 minutes I returned to see Ariel had taken my place flirting with my future wife.  Enraged, I looked around for the best spot to push him off the roof without it looking premeditated.

After a bit, she left for the bathroom and like any gentleman I asked DaEvils to back down.  Unfortunately her feminine wiles had gotten the best of him, too (this is fucked because Petey and I would never end up in this situation!!), and he refused (I don’t think he understood this was probably the only time I’ll ever find a cute little brunette Joss Whedon fan at a club, so much for friendship!).  We were at an impasse; after pausing and thinking for a bit about how to solve the problem I turned and said “It looks like we’ll have to flip a coin” but of course Ariel already had one in his hand ready to flip best 3/5.

I went up 2-1 with an adamant refusal to go heads but DaEvils persevered and won.  Stewing in rage I brushed past her fat friends and left the club shouting “fuck Ariel Schneller!” to all who would hear me and fiendishly texting DaEvils “if nothing happens with her you’re never gonna hear the end of it.”

CENSORED BY THE CONSORTIUM OH WHITE HOPE

And I gave a little fist-pump.